The past few months have been awesome. I think I’m discovering more about how to play this life game. I’ve realised that too many people like doing it with masks, I don’t want to. I want to be real, human, a mess if I have to be.  So lately it has felt a lot better.. none of this burden of putting up the christian church lady mask, because it’s tiring. And truth is, I think God prefers it if we’re honest to ourselves too.

I just came back from P and T’s wedding ceremony. I loved how they wanted the wedding message to be about the wedding between God and His people. I think that’s awesome, because as much as earthly romance is sweet, God’s love for this world is much better.

Another point of update is I’ve been attending Macquarie Baptist Church more frequently now. Not because I’ve stopped coming to CCC but just because this church needs people in it. I say that cautiously as I don’t want people to get the impression that it’s the quantity of attenders that makes a church. But I say that meaning that there are more areas where I feel I can exercise my spiritual gifts. I know God gave me the gift of service, especially in music, and I have been using it at CCC, but then I realise that this church also needs musicians. CCC is overflowed with awesome musicians through God’s blessing. And I just feel that since I live close by, and I am available in the morning, why not? So far it has been a challenge.. the ‘band’ consists of just me and my sister on the piano most of the time, but it’s okay. We manage, the congregation still stands to worship and I guess that’s alright.

Now, one topic I don’t really want to talk about is boy/girl relationships. Reason is that I think it’s overrated and much wisdom needs to be shed on this topic. But a few people have asked me and some people just try to ask me without daring to say the exact words.. so here goes.. I’m actually quite happy being without a boyfriend. I can spend time focusing on uni, on church fellowships, on ministry, on work, on my family and on studies.. I think it’s a blessing that I don’t have the desperate desire to date, nor to have the romance. And I know that it is through prayer and asking God for patience and wisdom.. I go through periods of absolutely being against marriage and dating, and God has just shed some patience on me and told me to calm down.. So there.. please don’t try to blind date me.. it’ll just be awkward..

So there’s my update.. happy saturday

() Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
() Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
() Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
() Neverending Story
() Blazing Saddles
() Airplane
Total: 2

() The Princess Bride
() AnchorMan
() Napoleon Dynamite
() Labyrinth
() Saw
() Saw II
() White Noise
( ) White Oleander
() Anger Management
() 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 4

() Scream
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
() Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
() American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 4

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
() Harry Potter 5
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
() The Village
() Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 9

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
() Signs
() The Grinch
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
() I, Robot
() Robots
Total so far: 12

() Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
() KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 16

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
() Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
(x) Final Destination 3
() Halloween
() The Ring
() The Ring 2
(x) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 22

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
() Chicago
() Ghost Ship
() From Hell
() Hellboy
() Secret Window
() I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 22

() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child’s Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
() Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
() Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
() The Mask
() Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 23

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
() Ocean’s Eleven
() Ocean’s Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
() Bourne Supremecy
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator I
() Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total so far: 25

() Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
() ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
() War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 28

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She’s All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
() Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
() The Terminator
() The Terminator 2
() The Terminator 3
Total so far: 33

() X-Men
() X-2
() X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
() Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 39

(x) Swimfan
() Miracle on 34th street
() Old School
(x) The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Krippendorf’s Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 42

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
() Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
() Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
() Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
() Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 43

() Baseketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
() Elf
() Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
() American History X
() Three
Total so Far: 43

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
() Shaun Of the Dead
() Willard
Total so far: 46

() High Tension
() Club Dread
() Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
() Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
() 28 days later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
() Waterworld
Total so far: 47

() Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 47

() Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
() Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
() Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
() Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
() Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
()Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 47

() The Matrix
() The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
() Evil Dead
() Evil Dead 2
() Team America: World Police
() Red Dragon
() Silence of the Lambs
() Hannibal
Total so far: 47

Now add them up and…

Put “I’ve seen ‘XX’ out of 239 films” in the subject line and repost it…

Luckily, I was reminded that God isn’t only a Redeemer in the sense of our soul but maybe also in other aspects of life. The book I’m reading suggests time, which I guest is true. But today I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. I can’t get my past back, but I can trust God with my future. He can redeem what I failed to accomplish/do.. which is what I need.. redemption from my failures.. and praise God for this

“I have laboured to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due to me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with God” (Isaiah 49:4)

But anyway, just a few highlights..

I finally understand what my parents mean when they say that I’m different to my sister. I know it’s not a hard concept, but I now understand that it simply means they’re not putting emphasis on academic achievements.. which is really great, because I suck academically.

I can finally let go, just in time for Christmas. God is awesome, He definitely answers prayers.
I learnt that there is no such thing as an unanswered prayer.. He either says ‘Go!’, ‘Grow first!’ or ‘Go Slow!’. This gave me so much joy and renewed love in talking to my Father.

And there’s more thinking to do.. tomorrow..

There are seriously somethings in my head right now that I would put out right away.. but would I have the wisdom to ask for more wisdom?

Out of the things I can ask for.. healing, motivation, good marks, strong relationships.. if I was to take a look at those things, they’re really grounded on wisdom. When I ask for healing, by wisdom and discernment, I know I can make more right choices and be able to face pitfalls better. Motivation and good marks.. again, wisdom with the use of my time and energy.. Strong relationships, I know that with wisdom I’ll learn to love people for the right things.

In reading about Solomon’s request, it’s also noted that God loves it when we ask for wisdom. He’s our wise counselor, the fountain of wisdom.. why would He not love to give us wisdom?

I want wisdom. I’ve been praying for it, I want more of it. I want to be changed through His wisdom and through discerning His mind, and I know He’ll give it to me, in fact He is growing me through this process..

Wise Counsellor, may I remember that all truth is Your truth and may I be given wisdom and discernment as I follow Your way of truth.

Amen

Yet there is one who knows my every thought, who notices every desire of my heart, and who witness every single moment in my life – the good, the bad, and the ugliest moments. Even though 99 percent of these moments are rather uneventful, Go truly cares about each one of them and still loves me completely.”

In Genesis 16, when I was reading about how the angel was telling Hagar about the future of her son, I was a bit suspicious that Hagar seemed content. Far out, if that was me, I would be depressed, I’d question that the angel is speaking to the right person, and possibly beg that the prophecy was changed. But Hagar was content.. why? Because she was satisfied that God saw her.

“I have now seen the One who sees me” (Genesis 16: 13)

I guess that speaks about our human condition. I know I’ve gone through valleys, but I know that God saw me.. yes I felt guilty afterwards, but I know of His mercy and love. God being my witness means so much, it means that He sees my struggles, and my triumphs. I wasn’t alone when I thought I was, He’s interested in every part of my life, each and every day. He’s my one audience that sits through my entire performance, even though every one else has left. How awesome is that? And it’s so much more than enough..

Dear God, [...] You never stop cheering me on, an for that I am eternally grateful.

Amen

Dear sister, do you agree with God that His creation is excellent in every way? What is your assessment of His handiwork when you look in the mirror? Do you see yourself as fearfully and wonderfully made by a masterful artist, as the pinnacle of His creative efforts? Do you believe God looks upon you with great satisfaction?”

To be honest, I find it difficult to understand that He was pleased when He created me. Why would He? What’s so special, about another female being adde to this world? But in Genesis 2:22, I was reminded that females – me, are the pinnacle of His creation. It wasn’t complete, until females were created. So He must love us.. whether or not the world agrees doesn’t matter, because my Creator loves me. I’m special to Him. I have a special relationship with my own Creator that noone can replace.

So yes, I need to learn to let go of the notion that I have to be in control of how I look, how  people perceive me, how to impress people, because my Creator loves me right now. Not later on when I’m ‘better’, He loves me now, despite the depths of my sins and despite my guilts.

Creator God, [...] most of all, help me to recognize Your beauty and wonder when I look at myself.

Amen

I know that God is a loving Father, and He listens to our prayers. I mean it when I say “in Jesus Christ’s name I pray, Amen” and I know that His promises are made ‘Yes’ because of Jesus. I know that He loves to give us good things. He loves it when we pray and ask Him for things.

What I don’t understand: God has plans for us, we don’t know what the plans are, so sometimes we’d earnestly ask for something, and really believe that God listens and will grant, because He’s a Father who loves to give, right? But then what if what we ask for isn’t part of His plan? What if I’m asking for something which to me seems like it’s something He’s give, when it actually isn’t?

Do I just keep on praying that He’ll give? Even if it’s not something He’d like me to have?

I feel like curling up into a ball and hide from myself whenever I think of last year.. especially approaching christmas. Why oh why was I given such a good memory..?

Anyways, I love this aria, it’s titled “L’amero, saro costante”, by Mozart from Il Re Pastore (The Shepherd King). It’s a beautiful aria, which talks about love (duh.. what else..) but being in Italian and composed by Mozart makes it infinitely better than modern songs which talks about the same topic.. yes, I am still trying to not judge other styles and expand, but yes.. I do think everyone needs to hear this aria at least once in their lifetime.

Look, I’ll even advertise the youtube link (here).
Enjoy

What else.. it was better because my whole family is here (yes, including dad) and I think that was awesome, I don’t think many of the other people my age were as lucky as to have their whole family coming..

Okay, so an update on what I’m doing in terms of my studies.. the plan to switch to music is now in the bin, because apparently I can’t play and because I don’t want to spend 4 years doing another undergrad degree to get a piece of paper which says I can play the violin. So maybe honours.. and I don’t want to think of what’s after just yet. But I am enjoying medical science.. and I’m even reading my textbook in the holidays (I’m up to chapter 4 of the Neuroscience text.. sad I know).

Anyways, I learnt the other day that the part-time work I’ve got now is actually pretty secure as they can’t sack the tutors. See, I work in a call centre for the Australian Institute of Maths where we get phone calls from students who bought the Mathemagic software and then have maths problems from school or the actual software. They can’t sack us because the moment they sack the tutors, they won’t have customer support and then they’ll die.. so I’m really grateful to God for that, especially to have this job which I enjoy doing.

12 days until christmas.. and I refuse to carry anymore burdens..